Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My vagina just recognized that song.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
