why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
