I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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