I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So much rum. So many feels.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
