she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
