Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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