We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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