There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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