We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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