The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
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usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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