I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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