how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
