There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
