anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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