I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
