I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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