I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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