I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
