I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
