is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
