So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Houston, we have a squirter
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
