if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
