I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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