I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
