We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
