My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
