OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
