Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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