I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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