you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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