Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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