Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
