For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
