When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
