He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
