im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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