You really coming over, don't trick.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
