apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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