She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
