This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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