Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
