I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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