Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Rumble strips road head = magical
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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