I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
did you just send me my own nude
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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