Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
