Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
