anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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