I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
