Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
God I need to hump something, right now.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
