why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
