do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
