I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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