Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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