you're like a bully in the Christmas story
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
