Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
