My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
