I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize