Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
